Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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