Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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