We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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