I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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