I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize