when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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