we're chasing vodka with high fives
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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