I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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