I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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