I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's always time for handjobs
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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