I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize