oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
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i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
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who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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