hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dear god my vagina.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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