So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
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Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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