moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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