Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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