My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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