if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
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Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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