Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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