I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
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I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
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It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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