I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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