She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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