omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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