I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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