Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize