we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
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No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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