You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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