A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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