Ambien. No doubt about it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My liver just had a heart attack.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Terrible idea I love it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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