I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You're like the curious george of whores
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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