new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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