I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
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i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
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Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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