I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize