No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
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I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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