Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize