Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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