What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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