I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
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So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
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