i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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