you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
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Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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