He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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