Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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