Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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