Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize