are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize