Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Floor bacon is actually really good
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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