If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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