tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize