i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
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It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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