It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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